Title: Bye-bye Baby
Category: Baby ff
Spoilers: How should I know,
I'm not a 9'er.
Summary: The Lone Gunman baby-sit.
Archive: Anywhere, I'm not picky.
Disclaimer: The following characters
belong to Fox.
I don't like it but they do.
Bye Bye Baby
Melvin Frohike walks into the lair of the Lone Gunman with a diaper bag over his shoulder and holding William Mulder
in his arms. Byers and Langley are pouring over a computer print-out. Byers' looks up and laughs,
"Hey where did you get that!"
"Followed me home," Frohike grins. "No really Mulder called, it seems that Scully's mom fell and broke her wrist.
They're gonna do surgery, we've been asked to baby-sit mini-Mulder here,"
Frohike says looking down at Will. Will looks' around the room, totally captivated by what he sees.
"Where we gonna put him?" Langley asks, pushing his glasses up on his nose. Certainly not on this floor," Byers
"Scully would kill us."
"Hey Byers grab that empty refrigerator box in the backroom, will you." Frohike says with a shout over his shoulder.
"But I thought we were going to use that on our next
"Just get the box and cut it in half. We're going to make Will here a playpen." Frohike says, holding out
Will and looking him over.
"He's not gonna like that." Langley says with his arms crossed and shaking his head.
"And cut some air holes in the sides." Frohike yells back.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Frohike swings the diaper bag off his shoulder. It lands on the table with a thud. Langley tries to peer into
"What's this? A first-aid kit."
"No you numb-nuts, it's his diaper bag!"
"If THAT is filled with diapers, We are in BIG trouble,"
"It's got other things in here too." Frohike says shifting Will around in his arms while pulling objects out of
the diaper bag. "See, powder, diapers, pajamas, toys, bottle of juice and milk." Langley grabs a canister of baby wipes.
"What are these for?" Frohike rolls his eyes, grabbing the container from Langley.
"Don't you know anything! These are for wiping off his mouth after he eats." Just then Byers comes in with a huge
box cut in half with slots cut into the sides.
Frohike and Langley both laugh.
"A disposable crib!" Frohike cries.
"And it's environmentally friendly." Byers beams.
"Yeah but will he like it." Langley still remains unconvinced.
"We'll see." Frohike says, lowering Will into the box.
Will just sits there and blinks, finally he grins and claps.
The Gunman all laugh. "Okay big guy," Frohike says, lifting
Will from the makeshift crib, "you need to eat."
"How do you know?" Langley challenges.
"Think back to when you were a kid Langley. If you weren't asleep you were eating."
"Yeah, especially right after school."
"Well, Will here is too young for school but I'll bet he's hungry." Frohike says lifting the little boy higher
in his arms. Byers' comes in with a couple of blankets for the box crib.
"Will is going to be one smart kid."
"Of course he is," Frohike snaps. "Mulder and Scully are two of the smartest people I know."
Will chimes in, "Mo, mo, mo." Causing the guys to all laugh.
"Hey can you get him to say 'Byers'?"
"Let's hope not," Langley huffs.
"Byers grab that diaper bag, we need to get those bottles in the 'frige."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Frohike carries Will into the kitchen, such as it is.
"Frohike, can I hold him?" Byers asks.
"Only if you're sitting down and you hold him tight; he's a squirmer."
"Wonder who he takes after?" Langley grins.
"For Mulder's sake, I hope it's Scully," Frohike winks.
Frohike hands Will to Byers. Byers carefully takes him, holding Will like he is a fine piece of china.
"Hello William, my name is John Byers, I'm a friend of your fathers. Will just looks' wide-eyed at Byers.
"Oh good grief Byers, all the kid hears is, blah, William, blah, blah, blah," Frohike huffs. Will just hiccups and shoves
his fist into his mouth.
"Will, can you say By-ers, By-ers." Will pulls a wet finger out of his mouth and pokes Byers in the nose. Langley
and Frohike both laugh.
"Byers, that's the same response you get from women," Frohike chides.
"Yeah Byers, that opening line of yours sucks! You need to think about changing it."
"He can't Langley, most of his dates can't say his name either."
"Don't listen to them Will." Byers' says sitting Will up straighter. Frohike sets the baby bottles on the table.
Will spots' them and gets excited, pointing to a bottle and saying,
"You want this?" Frohike says, holding out a bottle to Will. The baby grabs the bottle and settles back into Byers
arms. "Well I'll be damned, I was right." Frohike says peering down at Will.
"Watch your mouth Frohike." Langley frowns.
"Sorry." Frohike stutters. Will takes the bottle and fingers Byers face. He is fascinated by the bearded
Langley and Frohike lean down, watching Byers feed Will. After several minutes Will wants up and refuses to eat any more.
"I think he's done." Langley says, then adds, "Don't you have to slap him on the back?"
"You don't 'slap' him on the back Langley. You pat him." Byers huffs as he gently pats Will's back.
"Why do you do that?" Frohike frowns.
"I think it has something to do with bonding," Byers says just as Will burps, "or maybe not."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Byers sits Will down in his box crib along with some of his toys. Will babbles away, entertaining himself.
the guys all sniff the air, smelling something foul. Langley looks at Will.
"Umm. Frohike, I think it's the kid." Frohike drops the modulator he's been tinkering with and runs over to look
into the box. Will stares up at the little man with his Scully-blue eyes.
"It can't be! He's too little to smell that bad!"
"Oh no he's not!" Byers winces, fanning the air. Frohike picks Will up, holding him at arms' length. "Okay, let's
do paper, rock, scissors and the loser changes the kid."
"Not me!" Langley says moving back. "You took him in, you can change him." Byers holds' out his hands.
"Let me have him. For goodness sakes, he's just a little boy."
"Right now, he smells like a little toxic waste dump," Langley says pinching his nose then mumbling, "Mulder must love
that kid a lot."
Byers grabs' the diaper bag, disappearing into the bedroom with Will. Frohike slumps down into a chair and mumbles,
"I hope he puts that diaper under your pillow."
Minutes' later Byers reappears with Will dressed in a sleeper.
"What gives man! He's got his jammies on."
"He needs a nap Langley." Byers' says, tossing the soiled diaper into the trash can.
"I'm proud of you man." Frohike says as he pats Byers on the back. Will yawns and lays his head on Byers chest.
"The kid seems to like you."
"That's not saying much," Langley spouts. "He likes you too,"
"Langley you're getting closer to sleeping with that diaper." Byers sits down in a kitchen chair and slowly sways
Will back and forth with the baby growing sleepy. Soon Will is softly snoring.
~A couple hours later~
Mulder and Scully stand before the door to the lair of the
Lone Gunman. Mulder grabs the doorknob; it turns freely.
"Humm, not locked."
"That's odd," Scully frowns. Mulder slowly pushes the door open; the two parents enter.
"Mulder, this does not look good." Scully says, looking over at three slumbering Gunman.
"Ohh," Mulder sighs. Just then a noise is heard coming from a large box in the corner. Mulder looks in to see Will
peeking out of one of the slots. "Hey buddy!" Mulder laughs, picking up Will out of the box. "How you doing." Mulder
kisses him. "I missed you."
He then hands Will over to Scully. She carefully steps through the clutter,
holding the baby tightly. Byers' stirs and realizes they are not alone.
"Guys, guys, wake up," he whispers as he shakes Frohike.
All three Gunman scramble to their feet, holding their collective
breaths. Scully holds Will, kissing his fingers that are wrapped around her thumb, surveying the mess and then looks wide-eyed
at Will. Nodding her head she smiles,
"You did good." All three Gunman release the breath they have been holding.
"Way to go Frohike." Mulder grins as he pats the little man on the back. Byers' speaks up,
"Dana, how is your mother?"
"She's going to be okay. Thanks for asking Byers."
Mulder gathers up Will's belongings and stuffs them into
the diaper bag. Scully wraps a baby blanket around Will.
"Come on baby, lets get you home." Mulder leads Scully and Will to the door. They turn to thank the guys. Will
waves' a tiny hand and says,
"bye-bye." Byers jumps up,
"He said my name! He said Byers!"
The other Gunman just groan and shake their heads.