~ A Day in the Life of Mulder's Fish ~

Cast of fish-
Sid- the oldest and wisest fish.
Phil- Sid's crony.
Betty- the non-assuming lady fish.
Earl- the shy fish.

     ~ Phil glides past Sid then stops. ~

 

Phil- Hey Sid, where'd that little one come from?

 

Sid- I don't know but when the lady got skinny this
one showed up.

 

Betty- She's pretty, I wish I had hair like hers.

 

Sid- Betty, you should just wish for hair.

     ~ The fish all laugh. ~

 

Earl- At least she feeds us regularly.  The guy use to
just toss in a few flakes whenever he was home.

 

Betty- I liked it when she fed us but she sure was
sad.

 

Phil- Maybe she didn't like coming over to feed us
while the guy was gone.

 

Betty- I dunno, maybe she missed the guy.

 

Sid, Phil, and Earl- Ewwwwww!

 

Betty- I liked him.

 

Sid- Face it Betty, you like all of them.

      ~ Betty giggles ~

 

Earl- That little one scares me.  He comes over to
look at us and I get the creeps.

 

Betty- I wish I had blue eyes like that little one.

Sid, Phil, and Earl- Betty!

 

Betty- Well, I do.

 

Sid- Do any of you remember Bernie?

 

Phil- Since Moby Dick was a minnow, I sure do!

 

Betty- I wasn't here then.

 

Phil- He was one darn fine fish.

 

Sid- A whale among fish.

 

Earl- Where'd he go?

 

Phil- To that big tank in the sky.

 

Betty- How?

 

Sid- He turned up floating one day and the big guy
scooped him out and took him to heaven.

 

Phil- I heard it was a murder-suicide.

 

Betty- Really!

 

Phil- That's right! Remember Spotty came up missing
and all we found was a fin.

 

Sid- Yeah I almost forgot about that.

     ~ Just then two more fish swim by. ~

 

Hey Sid.  Hey Phil.

 

Hey Marty.  Hey Max.

 

Earl- Those two friends of yours?

 

Sid- Yeah, they've been here since that time the big
guy tore up the place.

 

Phil- That was a long time ago.

 

Sid- No not the first time, the second time.

 

Phil- You're wrong Sid; the second time it was those
two big guys that came in and tore the place up then
our big guy came home and cried.

 

Betty- Why did he cry?

 

Phil- Rumor has it the lady was real sick.

 

Earl- Did he find her floating?

 

Sid- No you dumb mackerel, the big ones don't float.

 

Earl- I know, I just said that for the halibut.

     ~ All the fish laugh. ~

 

Phil- An oldie but a goodie, you gotta love fish
humor.

 

Sid- So how do you guys like the new digs?

 

Betty- I like it here; it's bright and the lady keeps
our water clean.

 

Phil- We get better eats too.

     ~ All the fish agree. ~

 

Earl- The little one still scares me; and is it just
me or is he getting bigger?

 

Betty- I noticed that too but I didn't want to say
anything.

 

Sid- As long as I get fed I don't care how big he
gets.

     ~ The fish all laugh. ~

 

Earl- You don't think he eats fish do you?"
 
     ~ The fish all stop laughing. ~

 

Phil- Holy crappie! I never thought of that.

 

Sid- Relax you two, the big guy and the lady never
did.

 

Phil- Phew, you nearly gave me a heart attack.

 

Betty- Does anyone know why we live here now?

 

Phil- I suppose the lady got tired of coming over to
feed us.

 

Betty- I think she missed the guy.

 

Sid, Phil, and Earl- Ewwwww.

 

Sid- Betty where do you come up with this stuff?

 

Betty- When the big guy came back he watched a lot of
Oprah, I was paying attention.

 

Sid- I never was much for daytime tv.

 

Phil- It sure beats that stuff he use to watch.  I never got the idea behind two people lying around and
moaning.

 

Earl- Maybe it was a murder-suicide.

 

Phil- Maybe.

Earl- Oh no! Here comes that little one. (Earl hides
behind the tiny space ship.)

 

     ~ William pats the fish tank, sloshing the water
around. ~

 

Sid- Hey! Hey! Easy there little guy, we don't need a
tsunami.

 

Phil- What's he think he's doing!

 

Betty- I don't know but I like it. Weeee!  That was
fun.

     ~ Just then Scully walks over and takes Will by
the hand.  She picks him up and lifts the lid to the
tank. ~

 

Phil- Holy crappie! She's gonna toss that little one
in!

 

Betty- No she's not!

 

Sid- I think Phil's right, swim for it!

 

     ~  All the fish scatter except for Betty.  Scully
picks up the can of fish food and sprinkles a few
flakes into the tank.  Will gently put his fingers
into the water.  Scully pulls his hand back and closes
the lid. ~

 

Betty- Come on guys, she was just feeding us.

     ~ The fish all creep back out, including Earl. ~

 

Sid- This is great, a mid-day snack.

 

Phil- I like that lady, she feeds us better.

 

Earl- That little one still creeps me out.

 

Sid- He can slosh me around anytime he wants just as
long as I get fed.

 

      ~ The fish all laugh. ~

 

Betty- Look here comes the big guy. He's pretty.

 

Sid- Betty guys aren't pretty, ladies are pretty; guys
are beautiful.

 

Phil- I think you're wrong Sid, the lady says the guy
is Mulder.

 

Sid- Okay so ladies are pretty and guys are Mulder.

 

Betty- THAT guy is very Mulder.

 

     ~ Mulder lifts the top off the tank. ~

 

Sid- What's he up to anyway?

 

Earl- You think he's gonna take us to heaven?

 

Sid- I don't know, I don't see any floaters.

 

     ~ Suddenly two more fish flop into the tank. ~

 

Sid- What the. . .

     ~ The two fish glide through the water past Sid,

Phil, Earl and Betty.  Mulder places the top back on
the tank.  Scully and Will come over to stand along
side him to watch the fish. ~

 

Hello my name is Sally and this is my friend Carissa.

We live here now.

 

Sid- Well, hello there cuties!

 

Betty- Sid!

 

Phil- Hello ladies, good to have you overboard.

     ~ The fish all laugh. ~

 

Sid- Always quick with the joke.

 

Earl- That little one is looking at me again. (Earl
high tails it back to the space ship.)

 

Betty- Welcome girls, you'll like it here.  The lady
feeds us a lot and the big guy is really Mulder.

 

Sid, Phil, and Earl- Betty!

 

Betty- Well, he is!

                         ~ The End ~